


Stalker

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:01:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22266049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: Q doesn't have the greatest luck when it comes to choosing lovers and this one doesn't really care for Alec and James. Shocked that he was hit, Q makes his way without realizing it to James' and Alec's apartment.His past mistake is not so easily kicked out of his life.
Relationships: James Bond/Alec Trevelyan, James Bond/Q, James Bond/Q/Alec Trevelyan, Q/Alec Trevelyan
Comments: 13
Kudos: 589





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like almost a year ago, Faith asked for a story where Q has a deadbeat boyfriend and protective 00s. It took a bit but my muse finally collaborated so I hope that they and everyone else enjoy this.
> 
> The fic is already finished but I will post the new chapters a day apart so I can make sure that everything flows.

A cold raindrop on his nose brought Q out of the trance he was in and he slowly blinked, confused about the street he found himself on. This neighbourhood smelled of _new_ despite it being built to resemble the old neighbourhoods to the point that even the streetlamps fooled you into thinking they were on gas the first time you glanced at them.

What exactly he was doing here, he didn’t know. Since the shock of what happened an hour or so ago, he supposed that muscle memory brought him to this overly expensive neighbourhood that remained immaculate despite the two deadly double oh agents that resided in the penthouse of the most lavish of buildings at the foot of which he was currently regaining his senses.

A violent shiver passed through his body and he realized that the light rain had long since turned into a full-blown storm that had soaked him to the bone. The strong sneeze that almost sent his cracked glasses flying off his noise was what ultimately convinced him to stop pondering what his shocked mind had wanted him to do in this neighbourhood and he whirled around with the intention of making a beeline for the subway only to almost bump into one of the two biggest threats to the neighbourhood – Alec Trevelyan.

“A sleepwalking Quartermaster is…” Alec trailed off, his hold on the colourful umbrella that he had pinched from Q not that long ago wavering while all traces of playfulness disappearing from his face and his eyes got a murderous glint in them. “Come drink some tea with us to warm yourself up before you catch your death.” His arm was around Q’s middle and he was guiding him inside the building even before he was done with his invitation.

The doorman – an MI5 employee Q vaguely remembered meeting and jokingly offering his condolences to when he got this assignment – jumped to his feet and took out his phone when he saw Q’s state, freezing where he stood when Alec turned his eyes on him. “Nothing to do with national security, right?” For all the jokes everyone at MI6 made about Alec being hit in the head one too many times, he was still an excellent detective who easily put two and two together and always reached the correct conclusion.

The question was directed at Q and Q nodded, struggling a moment to remember how talking worked. “Had a bit of an accident on my way over.” He was momentarily mortified about how easy that lie came to him until he remembered that he was a spy and that it was something normal, not an early hint that he had become a battered wife.

Seemingly having read his mind, Alec gently squeezed Q’s shoulder to get his attention back on reality as the elevator doors closed behind them with a loud ding. “None of my business but is there a body we need to dispose of?”

The seriousness in Alec’s voice made Q snort, something he regretted instantly because his split lip started to hurt like hell. “Really now, Alec…” he muttered, tilting his head back without being asked so Alec could carefully wipe the newly spilt blood.

“All I’m saying is that if there was a body, it wouldn’t be a hassle at all,” Alec insisted, lighting pushing on Q’s neck to keep him from lifting his head from his shoulder as he guided him out of the elevator and deeper inside the penthouse.

Q basked in the feeling of safety his agent provided him and that almost brought him to tears. Why didn’t he feel like this with _him_? Why did he fully trust someone who pretty much had the law’s blessing to kill left and right as he saw fit while he was almost constantly doubting someone who not only was a civilian but also who was his lover? What did he do to—No, he didn’t do anything but to trust the wrong person. The way he had lashed out at him wasn’t Q’s fault but his own for being so angry and jealous.

Still, if he trusted someone so wrong with his emotions, heart, and well-being, could he trust himself with the safety of—?

“I filled the tub for you and if you don’t mind, I’ll help you out of these wet rags since I don’t really trust your shaky legs,” Alec said softly as he started to expertly unbutton his cardigan, derailing that horrible train of thought.

Q knew that there was another reason why Alec wanted to undress him, one that was less lewd than Alec’s habits and more connected with his spy instincts – he wanted to be sure that the extension of Q’s wounds stopped at his black eye and split lip. “Do you really think I’d let him get more than one hit before I dealt with him?” Q asked between chattering teeth and only in his silly Dalek-covered boxers, ditching them before Alec could really answer and practically jumping into the steaming tub, pulling his legs to his chin. “Though I don’t blame you for thinking that; I did stay with him long enough to get physical.”

Sitting on the edge of the large bathtub after turning on the massage function, Alec got Q to tilt his head back again so he could clean his lip. “He did pass all the security checks and he did seem to genuinely care for you,” Alec said as he blew air on Q’s lip in hopes of lessening the sting of the medicinal alcohol. “He fooled most of us.”

“But not you,” Q finished for Alec, wrapping his fingers around his hand to still him. “Where is James?”

Alec huffed and started to use his other hand to continue cleaning the wound – it was small, practically non-existent compared to what he and many other double oh agents had gotten in the past from scuffles, but he couldn’t risk any more harm to the boffin. “You give us too much credit, Quartermaster; we didn’t like him on principle.” Alec leaned back a little and smiled, sufficiently satisfied with his job. “As for where James is, well there is this restaurant we both like that doesn’t deliver, so he went to pick up some food for us.”

It then struck Q that the lightning in the apartment felt more intimate than usual and he remembered all of a sudden the date. “Oh, I should go.” He sat up a bit too fast but Alec was there to keep him from falling, eyes glued to a spot in the wall opposite of Q. “Mind if I—?”

“Leave in this state? Yes, quite so,” Alec interrupted Q but nevertheless helped him out of the tub and wrapped him in a large fluffy navy blue bathrobe. “Your clothes are wetter than the inside of this tub and you’re in pain and shock, so you’re staying with us at least until tomorrow morning.”

“But it’s your anniversary and I’d be intruding,” Q started to argue, flinching when he heard the elevator’s ding. “I really shouldn’t be around you or James in this state of undress at all, let alone on your anniversary.”

Alec took a deep breath and lowered Q on the toilet seat. “Firstly, we should have gotten _you_ something for remembering the anniversary; secondly, James and I have moved passed jealousy a long time ago and thirdly, you clothes are more water than cloth right now.” 

Q stared at a fixed point just above Alec’s shoulder, not really thinking about anything. “I still think I should leave and with enough money, cabbies won’t care,” he said slowly, burrowing deeper into the fluffy bathrobe. “You two were apart long enough and I don’t even know what I’m doing here.”

Kneeling before him, Alec carefully took Q’s hands in his but before he could say something, James appeared in the door, his smile and good disposition disappearing instantly. “I understand now why the doorman was so jumpy.” He had the decency to look away from Q’s face when it became obvious that James’ gaze was the last thing Q wanted on him. “Is there a body that needs to be disposed of?”

“None,” Q was quick to answer, squeezing Alec’s hand to get him to look at him. “Nor do I want a body that needs to disappear, understand?” Somehow, he had managed to channel what many called his official voice, both men straightening their backs subconsciously.

“Of course, Quartermaster,” James answered for the both of them. “Alec, can you set the table for three while I go look for some clothes for Q? And Q, I’m pretty sure they're a bunch of nicked hairdryers in that drawer over there,” he added before Q could start arguing again, both men leaving him to his own devices before he was done turning his head where James pointed to.

Q took his time drying his hair, staring at his bruised face for far too long until James let himself in the bathroom to bring him clothes and to put a stop to those awful thoughts that were making themselves comfortable in his mind by giving him a taste of the veil hat was waiting for him at the table.

They had their version of small talk between bites – James happiness at the deadly additions to his personal car, Alec’s annoyance with the horrible weather that gave his hiding place twice during his latest mission, Q’s annoyance with the horrid budget he was given to improve the agency’s firewalls and so on – and that combined with the sweet red wine that never seemed to disappear from his glass no matter how many sips he took finally got Q to feel warm as well as a temporary reprieve from the recent events.

Q even outright laughed twice and James and Alec looked positively ecstatic at that accomplishment but of course, as it tradition, all good things had to come to an end and that happened – in Q’s opinion – when there was no more food.

James and Alec thought otherwise, Q only noticing that they were in ‘protective agent’ mode when Alec stopped him from entering the bathroom first and James placed himself between Q and the possibly compromised room, one hand resting or Q’s stomach to keep him back while the other was clutching the butt of the gun he had tucked in the back of his pants.

Q felt a pang of guilt as he had never seen the two agents being paranoid and tense in their own apartment also realizing that he had made his way over to them because his shocked mind reasoned that this was the only place where he was safe.

James must have recognized his epiphany face because he fully turned to face him, gently squeezing his shoulder. “If you don’t mind, Quartermaster, given your current condition, Alec and I would feel a lot better if you’d allow us to pay you back for all those times you let us crash on your sofa by crashing on ours.”

“Just for the night,” Q relented all too easily, also giving into his need to nibble on his lower lip. “If possible, I would prefer if this doesn’t get between us as MI6—”

“You learn from your mistakes so there’s no reason why wouldn’t still continue to treat you as our Quartermaster,” Alec quickly interrupted him, now exiting the bedroom with three pillows and a very thick comforter. “Now, you might find a gun or three under the sofa and they might look familiar but they are not because we honestly lost everything that we didn’t bring you a piece of.” Q felt the prickle of the all too familiar annoyance creep back in his mind and he was thankful for that even as he felt his browns furrow and countless half-assed reports about lost equipment flashed in his mind.

“006,” Alec’s moniker left Q’s lips sounding like a hiss more than anything else, “do you mean to tell me that right now you are heavily implying that the reason my weapon budget is in the red is because you two have sticky fingers?”

“You look very tired and that meal must have made you very sleepy,” James said after a moment, leading the happily fuming Q to the sofa that Alec was making up as they were walking. “The bathroom is down the hall and to the right, our room is to the left, food and water in the fridge, and –”

“Stolen MI6 equipment under the sofa for my safety,” Q interrupted James, trying his best to continue to glare while he was being tucked a bit too tight like both agents knew he wanted nothing more than dig around and make an inventory of everything they have stolen. “Do I need to worry about anything exploding?”

Both men thought for a moment before James answered. “I believe I used the last of the misplaced explosive on my last mission so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

Q was inclined to do the exact opposite of that, wondering how long it will take for either one of them to call him in the middle of the night and ask if he could possibly sneak them into Medical without it being added in their files because they forgot about one misplaced explosive. He let out a long-suffering sigh and then closed his eyes, imagining a comedy movie in which a ragtag team of spies hid explosives in a blow-dryer to get it past airport security and then forgot about it when they got to a hotel which resulted in both men running around with their heads on fire.

It was obvious that he was dreaming at this point but he decided to let the madness continue without any conscious mental input from his behalf as he quite enjoyed finding himself in the middle of the Scottish hills with James and Alec who now had all of their hair back and were discussing the best way to go about booby-trapping a tree in an attempt to rid themselves of a rodent of unusual size.

A sound to his right grabbed his attention and he did the stupid thing of turning his body in real life, a searing hot white pain travelling down his face and to the tip of his toes, the coppery taste of blood flooding his mouth as he let out a scream loud enough to wake the dead.

Giving how light their sleep was, James and Alec had probably been next to him the second he started screaming, Alec carefully pushing a pack of ice to his face while James squeezed his shoulders and assured him that everything was alright and he was safe. “You know we’ll kill him if he gets within a kilometre of you,” James was whispering, Q clinging to him for dear life.

Ice-pack half-melted and face fully numb, Q’s brain started to work again and he realized that Alec had plastered himself against his back, strong hands rubbing circles on his chest while he too was whispering reassuring promises. “There won’t be a single speck of dust left of him for you to worry about.” Well, what double oh agents thought was reassuring though Q was more than used to their way of thinking and understood where it came from so he did find actual comfort in their words.

“It’s really not what you think,” he finally said, eyelids feeling heavy. How was it possible to feel this safe and not care that you were ruining someone’s anniversary? “I just turned in my sleep, that’s all.”

He felt Alec leave his side and he waited for James to do the same, ready to fall right back to sleep once he was left alone, eyes snapping open when he felt himself being tugged up, a disgruntled noise leaving his throat before he could stop himself.

“We’ve been wounded enough times to know how to keep people from hurting themselves in their sleep,” James said while he and Alec led Q to their bedroom, nothing in his tone of demeanour hinting at his usual ‘lewd for the sake of shock’ persona.

So Q allowed himself to be guided to their bedroom, glasses abandoned on the coffee table, and ‘fitted’ on his back between the two, sure that he wouldn’t be able to actually fall asleep because the bed wasn’t his and because that voice in the back of his mind insisted on reminding him quite loudly that if he Googled ‘third wheel’, he’d find a picture of himself spooned between the two agents.

“Close your eyes and wiggle your toes,” Alec said sleepily and because Q tensed – the bloody man was snoring a second ago, how was he awake? For that matter, if he was such a good actor, how the bloody hell was he discovered on 60% of his missions? – Alec started to explain. “I was rather hyperactive when I was a child so getting me to follow a curfew was impossible. I’d go to bed when I was told, but I’d stay up, staring at the dull yellow ceiling and loudly make everyone in the tiny apartment of that.”

Knowing what had happened to his parents in the end from Alec’s file, Q was honestly shocked to hear the man share a happy little memory with him.

“My mother,” Alec continued, now on his side to face Q as he gently ran his hand down his arm, “bless her soul, tired of being told by the hags we shared the building with that a good beating would put me right to sleep, decided to let me exhaust myself in a silent way and told me to close my eyes and picture that I was floating on a crystal clear lake and that the only way I could get on the other side where the sweets was if I wiggled my toes to push myself. Naturally, since she’d always have a piece of chocolate for me in the morning, James will make sure that you’ll have something sweet to go with your breakfast tomorrow morning.”

Now that stopped James’ light snoring and the chest to his right rumbled with his heavy whispers. “Hell will freeze over before I’m the first to leave the bed tomorrow morning.” He drew closer to Q, their legs brushing together. “You promised him chocolate, you get it. I have tomorrow off so I deserve to sleep in, as does our tired Quartermaster so you’re stuck with chocolate duty.”

“Jameska, please,” Alec purred, now drawing small circles on Q’s arm. “Do it for Q if not to save me from being painted as an absolute liar?”

They switched to Russian after that and Q retreated to the made-up lake, sure that something that worked on a child couldn’t possibly work on an adult.

He was asleep within minutes and when he woke up in the middle of the next day, it was to the smell of tea and cake and a still sleeping James Bond as his pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments!
> 
> I hope you continue to enjoy.

True to their word, neither man brought up that night three months ago no matter how against Q’s plan they were. They’d grumble about bloody boffins with their bloody spots and their bloody computers before doing what they were told and they still avoided looking him in the eyes whenever they came back without his precious equipment, just like before they found him at his lowest and most humane point in his life on their doorstep.

And yet, something was off.

Q was used to being watched at all times inside MI6 so he instantly recognized that feeling when he stepped outside of the Agency, the hairs on his neck standing up when he was told that he currently didn’t have any security detail outside of missions. He refused to outright panic because James and Alec always tended to do things without letting others know so he thought – and hoped – that one of them had taken it upon himself to check up on him and make sure that his ex-lover wasn’t giving him any trouble.

His heart dropped to his stomach when the men swore that they weren’t stalking him. He knew that the emotionless mask he usually wore at work slipped and showed genuine fear for a moment even before he was huddled into the room’s safest corner by James while Alec went to check and make sure that the coat was really clear.

“I need to start checking on CCTV footage,” Q murmured, sighing when James held on tighter to him. “Really, Bond, MI6 is safe.”

“Until a bomb goes off and a new Quartermaster is chosen,” James shot back so Q just rested his head on his chest and waited patiently for them to be done with something useless so they could slip back into more normal levels of paranoia – plus, James’ heartbeat right in his ear helped _him_ calm down.

Thirty minutes later, he was finally allowed to move over to his desk, though he was a bit distracted by his two agents with their extra tight suits that looked just right and helped the colour of their eyes pop out sitting on his desk, leaning against each other to block any bullet that might somehow break through the reinforced bullet-proof glass.

Thankfully, Q didn’t need to use too much of his brain to get to the bottom of everything. “I should have checked these before working myself into a frenzy and bother you two,” he said and pushed his chair back so both of them could look at his computer without anyone knocking their head – he felt that his face had been bruised enough to last him an infinite amount of lifetimes and he’d be damned if he was going to get another because of _him_ again.

“We failed you.” James sounded to hallow for Q’s liking and he was suddenly as pale as every other boffin under the cold lights, Alec a shade whiter than him. “We promised that we’d destroy him if he got—”

“If I expected him to turn into a stalker, I would have gotten MI5 involved,” Q cut James off, drumming his fingers on his desk, barely holding back a groan. He should have gotten MI5 involved right from the get-go to save himself from the many people that were going to preach at him now and from the guaranteed 5 psychiatrist sessions he was going to get nagged into by Eve. “I apologize for getting you two involved in all of this; I imagine M will want to talk to you about why you kept my secret but rest assured that I’ll take all the blame.”

Both men glanced at each other for a moment before snorting, Alec pushing Q’s chair away from the computer while James turned him around and draped his arm around his shoulder, leaning on him. “Do you really think this man is dangerous enough to bring MI5 in when you have two perfectly capable double oh agents at your command?”

“I didn’t think him capable of hitting me or of stalking me and yet, here we are,” Q said honestly. “And then there’s the fact that I have no one at my command when it’s something personal.”

James frowned, tutting. “You have _everyone_ at your command but we’ll discuss the many ways you can abuse your hold over all of your minions – be they boffins or agents – later as right now we need to assert just how dangerous this dead man is.”

Q glared but knew when he was defeated. “Well, I know now that he’s violent but if I’m to compare it to the two of you…” He trailed off, shrugging. His ex-lover had some muscle but he could still be categorized as a very breakable stick by James and Alec. “New protocols dictate that everyone that had anything to do with anyone remotely connected to MI6 is constantly checked and no alarms went off so I can safely say that he won’t have any of our enemies back him up should he try anything more than freaking me out from the shadows.”

“So that means that the two of us are more than sufficient to handle him,” Alec concluded, placing his hands on Q’s shoulders, starting to massage them. “Are you sure you don’t want us to break a few of his bones, maybe his neck if—Okay, no death for him even if he did what he did,” Alec promised quickly when he felt Q tense right back up. “Though, since we’re on that subject and if you don’t mind talking about it, why did he hit you?”

Q honestly thought that the day couldn’t get any more awkward than it already was. “He thought I was sleeping with you. Both of you. At the same time,” Q insisted on clearing up because he knew that a few months down the line when he didn’t feel awkward in their presence outside of a mission anymore, they’d nag him into revealing _which_ one of them he was supposed to be sleeping with. “I don’t remember exactly what I said about you two that started the fight that night but you saw how it ended.”

He could practically hear the little cogs turn in their heads in the following five minutes that were spent in silence, but he did not worry too much about what they were cooking up. They would get one chance to not say something overly violent before he brought in the officials and while yes, it was expected of him as the Quartermaster to be the voice of reason and to invoke the rules every five bloody seconds, he always bent the rules when it came to his agents and he couldn’t lie and claim that he didn’t want the bastard to suffer given that he had given him a black eye and a split lip.

“In that case, I have the perfect plan,” Alec said, resting his head on Q’s shoulder as he sneaked his arms around his chest. “We’ll let him see you dating us.”

Alec didn’t smell like alcohol and he didn’t remember him hitting his head in the last six months – he also didn’t remember himself getting knocked over the head so he didn’t know why he wasn’t pushing Alec away and scolding him for pushing their little game just a tad too far. “I know I’ll regret asking this but how is that supposed to help with anything?”

“When he sees you with us he’ll either move on or try to scare us away,” Alec happily explained, entangling his fingers in Q’s hair. “Both outcomes are more than desired as someone as him could never scare us away, especially from you.”

Q ignored the pleasant numbness that followed the shivers down his spine caused by how gently his scalp was being massaged. “An interesting thought but I’ll be damned before I let someone watch me have a threesome with two people who are not only my co-workers but also my subordinates.”

He thought Alec’s hand would disappear from his hair instantly but found James’ hand joining in, making it even harder for him to think properly. Listening to them have sex and watching them change was easy because that was his job but having their attention turn to him without it being mission-related was… Ah, no wonder they finished missions faster when non-lethal touching was involved.

“So are you in?” James whispered right up against Q’s ear.

Q pushed both of them away and pushed his chair away from the desk so he wouldn’t lose his ability to think. “Not putting on a porn show for my jealous ex, especially since you two tend to be knifed when you’re in the throes of passion and he’s proven to be quite violent.”

“As Alec has just finished explaining, we were honestly thinking about a simple dinner and then a stroll with you cuddled between the two of us,” James cleared up.

“Sex is on the table only if you want it,” Alec chimed in, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “And up against the wall, and on the sofa—” A smack upside his head from James got him to stop. Well, Alec’s version of stopping which always ended in the two of them bickering. “Heaven forbid we be direct for once. I mean—”

It was normally entertaining to see the two deadly men acting like civilians, but Q was not in the mood for it. “I should have gotten MI5 involved from the start, as per our procedure,” he said instead, taking his glasses off so he could run his hands up his face. Maybe he should have given up on wanting a romantic life.

His words snapped the agent from their domestic and Q found once again his chair being turned and his personal space invaded by James. “Give our plan a try first.”

“And if anything bad happens,” Alec added, sliding around Q’s shoulders like a snake, “we’ll say that we bumped into you and then noticed that we were being followed and that we slipped in agent mode and no one will care as long as the outcome is a happy one.”

Q frowned, worrying his lower lip. Going rogue with the two of them was never a clean affair even if the overall outcome was the desired one so he really should just get in touch with M and MI5. Then again, the three of them did make an excellent team that actually get things done and if there was one thing Q hated more than broken equipment then that was useless bureaucracy.

“Fine,” Q said evenly. He really hoped he wasn’t going to regret this.


	3. Chapter 3

It was beyond their ability of understanding how it was possible not to find at least a single suit that was decent for dinning with Q when they had more than half a closet full of them. Granted, if they found that one suit they’d end up fighting for it and probably rip it to shreds, but it was the principle of the thing and yes, if they were honest, all the suits were perfectly fine – more than perfectly fine – but the problem was that Q, as their Quartermaster, had seen them in all of them and that was unacceptable.

“Let’s go for casual,” Alec said all of a sudden, carelessly grabbing a pile of suits and throwing it on their Super Caesar bed so he could make room for the new pile of clothes they were going to scrutinise until they decided that new ones were needed. “Dibs on all the tight jeans.”

Since they only had tight fitted jeans, Alec was convinced to share some of them – even though he had laid claim even on the pairs that legally belonged to James since had bought them and all that – and James ended up wearing a light grey wool turtleneck and charcoal slim-fit jeans with a straight-cut leg that went perfect with the leather lace-up hiker boots and the double-breasted pea coat that was his favourite while Alec went with a black slim-fit polo, the black version of James’ jeans – because this pair was also bought by James – black leather Desert Mali boots and a dark navy Harrington Jacket.

“Are you planning on robbing someone later tonight?” James had asked Alec, taking a step back when he saw Alec raise his mug of coffee. “Do you want to be even later than we already are?” 

They were exactly 10 minutes late but still took a moment to admire their Quartermaster. His usual style was an explosion of bright colours that he loved over comfortable clothes – since he rarely had a regular shift and tight pants and shirts while you ran around the 4 floors of your department when the AC or the heating systems were acting up was less than pleasant – but seeing him in a red wool crew-neck sweater peeking out from under his grey wool coat and falling over his peach cotton trousers made it clear that he didn’t have anything that was really muted or that allowed him to fly under the radar.

Not that they didn’t love his usual style.

“He’s watching me again,” Q murmured when they got closer to him, forcing himself to smile carelessly as he tilted his head back to subtly point where the stalker was hiding.

James and Alec sandwiched him between them, brushing their lips against his cheeks as they did so. “We have to look like lovers,” James explained in a whisper, his smile getting brighter when Q rested his head on his shoulder.

“In all honesty, just breathing the same air as you is sufficient for him to think that we are a thing,” Q supplied also in a whisper, slipping the hand around Alec in his pocket.

That just made it harder for Alec not to point out that the only way to ensure that they were breathing the exact same air was if they were kissing. “He’s pretty apt at stalking without being seen for someone who doesn’t have any form of training,” he said instead, squeezing Q tighter to him when he felt him become even tenser. “We’re here, don’t worry. He’ll punch us before you.”

But it was obvious that Q couldn’t help but worry, looking even more distressed at the possibility of them getting in a fistfight. “Maybe we can lure him to MI5 so no one gets hurt.” He squeezed James’ arm and dug his nails in Alec’s side, but did not dig his heels in the ground to force them to stop.

“MI5 is in the other direction and our restaurant is just up this street,” James pointed out because all Alec could think about was that Q had nails that he totally wouldn’t mind leaving trails down his back. “Don’t worry; he’ll go down long before his fist even gets within an inch of us.”

That promise seemed to help calm Q down and James glanced at Alec for a moment to silently agree to make a bigger effort to not get wounded while on missions before holding the restaurant’s door open for them.

They had been tempted to pick a really high-end place at first but then remembered that Q always looked miffed whenever he was forced to go to one for work purposes so they decided to go one of their favourite ones that no one cared what you wore as long it was something decent and that wasn’t drenched in blood – as Alec learned one night when he decided to be more obtuse than normal and skipped Medical even though he couldn’t feel a part of his chest and to discover that he was profusely bleeding when the waitress dropped her tray and screamed bloody murder at the sight of him.

The soft music, warm atmosphere and good food combined with their surprisingly good small talk about the things they found the most interesting in the various countries they visited not only got Q to forget that this was all technically a pretend date but also to reveal that he never left the United Kingdom more because he was still under ‘country arrest’ after having hacked his way into _everything_ to prove a point rather than him being afraid of flying – which he totally was, but a Valium could fix that.

It was a repeat of their first dinner together, unpleasant reason behind it and all.

By the time they finished all of their food and the second bottle of wine, they also found out that Q was a descendant from a French family that might have lost a few of its members when the French decided they liked beheading, he almost burned his apartment three times trying to cook because he got bored of waiting for the food to be done so he started fiddling with his various projects that had nothing to do with MI6 per se, and that he also majored in arts just to spite his family.

They hoped that by then, Q’s ex would have gotten the point so they could end the fake date like a real one – a kiss, a proper explanation of how _they_ worked, and a hopeful invitation to another real date – but when they stumbled out of the restaurant – because Q had expressed that he was feeling slightly cold when they got closer to the door and the only way to keep him warm was if he was sandwiched between the two of them – they caught a glimpse of him hidden behind a stone pillar.

“Looks like you’re going to find out where I live,” Q murmured, sounding even soberer than before. “Or should we take it over to yours?”

The clear image of the many piles of suits, shirts, pants, and socks strewn around the house made the choice very obvious. “Yours,” they said in unison.

Q narrowed his eyes. “Just how more _destroyed_ equipment will I find in perfectly good condition this time?”

“Your apartment makes a better cover story,” James said in their defence, not liking how closer the ex had gotten to them once Q had guided them off the livelier main street and into a graffiti-covered backstreet – it was, apparently, a shortcut to his apartment, Q living much closer to them than they originally thought. “So it’s going to be a fight.”

“Can’t say I’m sad about that,” Alec chimed in, his normally clear English getting just a hint of a Russian accent. “I promise to do my best not to put him in a coma.”

“Just don’t act first and let’s continue to pretend that we’re on a date and we haven’t noticed him yet,” Q instructed in his distinct Quartermaster voice before taking a deep breath and laughing. “You know what that accent does to me, tigr,” he said loudly, pressing a kiss to Alec’s cheek.

More than happy to play the role of the teasing lover, Alec continued just as loudly as Q to proclaim his honest love for him and James in Russian. James also joined in, stopping at one point to give Alec a proper kiss and Q a shyer one, making note of the way Q’s breath hitched and the trembling lips that tasted sweeter than the wine – Alec stole a kiss from Q a few minutes later. Rubbing Q’s lower back and muttering an apology, assuring him that he was more than okay with being reported to HR for inappropriate behaviour.

They thought they would be attacked then but nothing happened and upon careful closer inspection, they found out that their stalker had buggered off. Q let out a sigh of relief at that realization, relying heavily on James and Alec not dropping him when all the strength left him but they did agree – and even insist – to finish taking Q home.

By the time Q’s inconspicuous building came in sight, the laughter and teasing was as genuine as it had been back in the restaurant and it really looked like they would get to have that serious conversation about making the play-pretend into something real, especially since Q did not look inclined on detaching himself from them even when he started digging for his keys.

“I will mark this day down in the calendar as the first time something you two came up with didn’t end badly.” The cold feeling of dread travelled through him the second he finished saying that, two muffled popping noises going off behind him a second apart.

He knew those noises all too well since he was still working on getting silencers to sound as heard in movies and his heart dropped in his stomach as both James and Alec lost their hold on him and fell forwards, grunting as they did so.

“What do they have that I don’t?” His ex’s cold voice came from somewhere behind him and Q turned slowly, his body and mind numb. “I could have gone to the gym if you have a thing for muscles.”

The man was a few streaks of rotten blood away from looking like a zombie and Q wondered what in the hell possessed him to fall for him in the first place. “Muscles are not the problem,” he said carefully, fixing the man’s gun with his eyes – a simple tranquillizer gun over which a crude home-made silencer had been fixed.

“I can’t get you to change your mind if I kill anyone,” his mistake explained, flashing Q a smile that was probably meant to be seen as teasing but looking deranged. “I promise never to hit you again even though you clearly deserved it.”

“You are pointing a gun at me, so how can you—”

“It’s a tranquillizer gun and you know it so stop playing the victim already and do what you are told without giving me any lip!” He snapped, jerking said gun towards him. “We’re going away to fix your little problem so come here.”

Q stared at him for a moment, then at the two collapsed agents. “If we’re going away for a long time, I need to make preparations for my cats.”

“You’re so selfish,” the lunatic grumbled, squeezing the gun harder. “I worry about us and I do my best to fix everything and all you care about is meaningless tripe.”

“I’m sorry,” Q said quickly and moved by his side. “I’m just nervous; you were never this _alpha_ before and it’s excited.” Q’s voice had dropped to a whisper, something that his would-be captor seemed to greatly enjoy. “I might have liked the air of danger they had around them but now that you took them down so easily…” He trailed off and tilted his head back to look up at him. “I know I wronged you, but do you mind if kiss you?”

“I need to see how much of _them_ you have on and in you before giving you a good wash like the mutt you are, so go ahead,” he muttered and moved his head closer to Q’s.

And that was the exact opportunity Q was looking for, pushing his taser right against his throat and mercilessly keeping it there until he collapsed to the floor into a twitching pile of disgusting limbs, signalling the four senior MI5 agents that had been hiding in the shadows and waiting for an opportunity to take the lunatic down to move in and do whatever there was left to do.


	4. Chapter 4

“That was, by far and somehow, the most stupid thing you two had done in your entire life,” M had started his obviously well-rehearsed rant the second the doctors gave their okay for them to receive visitors. “Not only were you fully aware that your Quartermaster had been assaulted but you also knew that he was being stalked by a deranged lunatic and you decided to allow him to ignore protocol?”

“Nothing bad happened to him,” Alec said in a hollow voice, not really looking in M’s eyes, James also finding the spot directly above M’s head a lot more interesting than his face.

He didn’t believe his words but denial was the best tool against the harsh reality of them not having learned a single bloody thing from their past missions. How many times had they foolishly dropped their guard when a mission was supposed to be over only to be stabbed in the back not even a moment later? How many times had they ignored their handlers and gotten into even more trouble and pain? How many times would they do the same thing and be surprised at how things turned out?

M let out a strangled noise. “Nothing bad— He used himself as bait to—What would have happened if he hadn’t had the taser in his pocket and if he hadn’t punched in the right emergency code to—” He huffed again, running his hands down his face. “Because you ignored proper procedure and you – two of our supposedly best bloody agents – managed to somehow miss the fact that you weren’t alone in a hallway while ignoring said proper procedure,” M stopped and took two more deep breaths to keep himself from starting to scream, “because of all of that, you two will report first thing next Monday to what people lovingly refer to as ‘Spying 101’.”

Both of them were feeling much too bad to argue with that so they just nodded, M visibly taken back by how malleable they currently were.

It was James that broke the awkward silence. “How’s Q?”

“Suspended,” was M’s snappy answer then, nostrils flaring when he remembered how upset he was with the one he was supposed to never question – unless the MP made him because his department spent too much money. “But also good,” he added, sighing. “He seemed to be more distressed that you two were out of it rather than the fact that he had almost been kidnapped.” He glared a little more at the two agents, sure that they were somehow to blame for everything because Q was Q and if he thought that there was even a 1% chance of their plans working out, he was ready to jump through hoops to turn it into a successful mission. “I didn’t think that I would ever have to state the obvious but never let this happen again. The second your Quartermaster – or anyone – is in danger, follow the bloody procedure.”

“Understood,” both men said in unison, their voices as hallow as they looked.

M almost felt bad for them, but he reminded himself that Oliva would have probably walked up to them and smacked them upside their heads before giving their ears a good tug and making them repeat exactly what she had just said. “Right then, gentleman, it would seem that our meeting reached its ending so—”

“What of the MI5 agent that was Q’s doorman?” James asked, suddenly remembering that he had seen him sitting hunched over a bloody crossword puzzle and he hadn’t even bothered to look up when they entered the building. “Not to shift the blame, but _he_ was already in the building when we got there.”

M frowned. “He was already out of commission when you passed by him so MI5 is asking us how it was possible for you not to notice that.”

They were in Q’s apartment building. They hadn’t felt or seen that man stalking them for three blocks so of course they thought they were safe. Why wouldn’t they be safe since all MI6 housing was considered safer than an actual safe house? Why would they have to notice anything more than each other?

“I won’t let them shift that part of the blame on MI6,” M assured them after a moment, dusting invisible dust off of his suit. “Don’t give our medical staff any grief.”

“Understood,” they both said again, weirding M out.

With a final nod, M shuffled out of the room and left the two to stew in their own disgrace and regret as they went over what had happened numerous times in an attempt to deduce where they had missed the obvious. They also allowed themselves time to admire Q for keeping his wits about him and take the bastard out before going right back to hating themselves for making Q have to do that.

“It was obvious that he was going to go Q’s apartment rather than confront us in the open,” James concluded after what felt like ages of silence.

Alec nodded. “And we didn’t take into account that since he was dating Q he had _some_ brain and knew to bring a weapon to deal with us and the useless doorman.”

“Thank God you guys are naturally lucky and he wasn’t a complete psycho,” Q added as he stepped into the room, smiling a little at them as he closed the door behind him. “Though if I take a moment to think about how he wanted to clean me, I get the very unpleasant kind of shivers down my spine so he might be a bigger psycho than I think.” He shrugged and pulled a chair between the two beds. “M finished his scolding a lot sooner than I expected. You must tell me how you managed to do that because I think he has another scolding planned for me when he’s done with the MI5 meeting.”

Neither James nor Alec looked at Q or said anything.

“Look, I told M that everything was my idea so there won’t be any disciplinary actions against you and for you two, retraining is going to be like a little vacation where you get to torment new people,” Q tried again, sighing and slumping his shoulders when both men continued to remain silent. “Well, since I’m not allowed on MI6 property for the duration of my suspension and Medical is technically MI6, I’ll let you be before either one of us gets in even more trouble than we already are.”

“We’ve disappointed you again,” James called out just as Q was about to go through the door, stopping him in his tracks.

Alec nodded and frowned. “We were supposed to be the ones who—”

“Stop,” Q interrupted them, plopping back down in the chair. “We were all distracted and it’s in the past and no one got wounded or kidnapped or turned into a pile of skin cells at the bottom of a barrel, so everything is good. They found a barrel of the stuff back in his apartment so they’re guessing that he planned on dissolving me if I turned him down,” Q explained when he saw the confused looks. “But, it didn’t happen, MI5 is getting further shit for not noticing that a civilian bought that and Eve tells me that M plans on using that reason to get us out of trouble for not following procedures.”

Silence feel between them once again but this time, James and Alec had sat up and scooted closer to Q, taking his hands in theirs. It was a pleasant feeling, even if their hands were clammy and they insisted on not acting like their usual joking-when-it-was-inappropriate way.

So Q broke the silence again. “You know, I found our date quite entertaining, outcome and motives aside.”

The look of pure shame Alec had was something Q had never seen before. “If you ignore the horrible way it could have ended—”

“If we’re bringing that up again, then I’m leaving, understand?” Q interrupted, squeezing Alec’s hand until he received a weak nod. “James, do you have anything nice to add or should we all just hold hands in silence until Eve comes to pick me up for my round two of well-deserved scolding?”

James finally looked Q in the eye and he had never looked more serious than then. “What Alec and I told you that night… Do you want a redo of the date? Without the psycho ex waiting to clobber us at your apartment or the faking parts, that is.”

“Well, the wine was excellent.” Q’s lips twitched upwards and he tugged the two closer to him, running his fingers over their lips. “As was the company and the declarations of undying love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey, when you are in love, you forget to pay attention to the world around you and we know hat JB is blind when that happens.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved <3


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